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Who Would I Be?

Earlier today as I was sitting by myself thoughts came running to my mind and I asked myself these questions what would I be?

  • Who am I when I’m enough, wearing perfect shoes that are just right for me?
  • Who am I when I fully embody my power?
  • Who am I when I don’t have to try hard?
  • Who am I without my masks and roles and identities—that I have taken on from others?
  • Who am I when I stop pretending?
  • Who am I when I’m not playing or keeping myself small?
  • How do I show up without self-doubts, fear of judgments and people-pleasing?
  • Who am I when I’m burning freely unapologetically being myself?
  • When do I stop trying to protect, defend or use my unworthiness as a way to poison the well because I don’t believe in myself?
  • When do I stop turning gold into dust because I don’t feel worthy of holding it, needing it or desiring what it is I truly want?
  • Who am I when my doubts are NOT keeping me poor —when fear of judgement is no longer keeping me stuck and sick?
  • Who am I outside of the self-judgement, the masks, pretences and all the ways I hold myself back?
  • Who am I when I get out of my way and let the One Who Created me play?

The question is, Am I willing to embody my self-love just as GOD loves me? To Sit on the throne of my own heart. And embrace all the gifts that my Creator has stored up in me.

Today was the first Sunday I internationally went to church after my baptism which happened last year, and God graced me to be in the presence of other non-judgmental believers who didn’t care about what was happening around them, they just wanted to praise God and thank Him for His goodness. I felt so welcomed and for the first time, I felt belonged, I felt accepted, I felt I could be myself, it was such a magnificent experience, and to think He created my inmost being; He knit me together in my mother’s womb and my frame was not hidden from Him when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, His eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in His book before one of them came to be. Before a word is on my tongue, He knows it completely. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.

And just then and there my soul started talking back to me. Girl, you must choose self, love – even when no one is watching, or knows. When you know your own shadow, then only then can you consciously CHOOSE love from a real genuine place because I, Your Father, have shown you the true meaning of love, love that is limitless, love that is unwavering, love that is still, love that is loud, love that is bold and courageous, love that is pure and genuine, love that is unorthodox, love that doesn’t follow any rules but actually makes the rules. Love that grows and challenges you, love that welcomes mistakes and takes accountability. Love that is clear and joyful. Love that welcomes both the ups and downs, the maybes and the uncertainties of life.

I can consciously choose to be real love. I can let myself shine and play with the known fact that the one Who is LOVE is guiding my steps and teaching me all that I need to learn. I can stop searching for ways and “evidence” that keeps telling me that I’m not enough, or that I’m not gifted or that I’m not the source. Actually, I Should Stop, making others the monster or enemy as I apply new wisdom. I am free to lose the title of being broken, wounded or abandoned.

The Power and the belonging are all inside me waiting for me to claim it I believed that’s why Jesus died on the cross. I can embody the truth and be the gift. I can shine and trust what I already know. I can allow myself to feel how infinite, loving, wanted, loved and powerfully precious I’m truly am. This is the time for burning out, playing out all that isn’t purely real; burning the last remnants of what I no longer need. I Trust my light and walk through the fire of my inner authority. I’m no longer digging for ‘reasons and ‘evidence’ on why I’m not sexy, smart, spiritual, healthy, good, beautiful, amazing or special because I AM ENOUGH! Others may leave or stop showing up for me but that doesn’t mean I should stop showing up for myself. I am ready for love. Real love. Soul based love, beginning within…So, no more stories Girl! Take up your throne dear Queen and Just Choose love. Self-love. YESS. And so, it may be.

See Also

With Love,

Anita Feresiano

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